Lingering Still: Signs of Volatility or Fragmentation
By Pat Jones / Lead Pastor
I grew up in a home filled with guilt, shame and failure. Anything I did was not good enough. If a conflict happened between me and my mother, I was shamed for how I made her feel (did not matter how she made me feel). My new-found faith at first enhanced my guilt and shame until I truly learned about grace. And then I was so amazed that the God who created me and knew everything I did forgave me. No shaming. Just honesty. And for the first time in my life I felt free. I received Christ when I was seven. I was truly set free when I was 19. I no longer needed my mother’s approval. And I began the journey of learning to live in freedom.
Now I am 40 years older and have experienced the grace of God more and more. But I am also learning something new. John the Baptist was imprisoned. He had been the “voice of one crying in the wilderness” telling them about Jesus. He testified that Jesus was the Lamb of God who came to take away the sins of the world. This is high praise for someone who is your cousin. Yet in prison, doubts crept in. John sent this question: “Are you the One to come or are we to look for another?” (Matthew 11:3) He had all this history with Jesus, saw so many things, but his fears and situation caused some doubt.
I see Elijah sitting under a tree wanting to die. Tired, hungry and stressed, he felt alone and abandoned. He felt like a failure (1 Kings 18, 19). Paul felt compelled to defend himself. And he also stated near the end of his life, “I want to know Christ…” (Philippians 3:10)
Read the stories of Oswald Chambers, C.S. Lewis, and others and you will find similar tales. The reality is that all of these great men of God struggled with questions. But I believe the questions focus not on the character of God, but their feelings about themselves. And I confess that when I am tired and stressed, when I pause to look around me, the feelings of failure, shame and guilt can taint my ears and my heart once again, almost as if I return to 50 years ago. But Christ set me free. The failure I feel is not conviction about sin. It is more about letting the Lord down. And yet it is in those times when the Holy Spirit directs, teaches, reminds and empowers. John was reminded about the prophecies about the Messiah and how Jesus was fulfilling them. Paul was shown unfathomable things and given solid direction. Elijah was given rest, food and a fresh assignment and informed that he was not alone.
So, Jesus has been teaching me and reminding me through unexpected words from others, circumstances, articles, and a witness to my own heart by His Spirit. He will for you too. So don’t be discouraged or down when you question. Just make sure to stop, listen, eat, sleep, and allow the Holy Spirit do His work in taking you out of the pit and putting your feet on a solid rock. His name is Jesus (Psalm 40:1-5).
I grew up in a home filled with guilt, shame and failure. Anything I did was not good enough. If a conflict happened between me and my mother, I was shamed for how I made her feel (did not matter how she made me feel). My new-found faith at first enhanced my guilt and shame until I truly learned about grace. And then I was so amazed that the God who created me and knew everything I did forgave me. No shaming. Just honesty. And for the first time in my life I felt free. I received Christ when I was seven. I was truly set free when I was 19. I no longer needed my mother’s approval. And I began the journey of learning to live in freedom.
Now I am 40 years older and have experienced the grace of God more and more. But I am also learning something new. John the Baptist was imprisoned. He had been the “voice of one crying in the wilderness” telling them about Jesus. He testified that Jesus was the Lamb of God who came to take away the sins of the world. This is high praise for someone who is your cousin. Yet in prison, doubts crept in. John sent this question: “Are you the One to come or are we to look for another?” (Matthew 11:3) He had all this history with Jesus, saw so many things, but his fears and situation caused some doubt.
I see Elijah sitting under a tree wanting to die. Tired, hungry and stressed, he felt alone and abandoned. He felt like a failure (1 Kings 18, 19). Paul felt compelled to defend himself. And he also stated near the end of his life, “I want to know Christ…” (Philippians 3:10)
Read the stories of Oswald Chambers, C.S. Lewis, and others and you will find similar tales. The reality is that all of these great men of God struggled with questions. But I believe the questions focus not on the character of God, but their feelings about themselves. And I confess that when I am tired and stressed, when I pause to look around me, the feelings of failure, shame and guilt can taint my ears and my heart once again, almost as if I return to 50 years ago. But Christ set me free. The failure I feel is not conviction about sin. It is more about letting the Lord down. And yet it is in those times when the Holy Spirit directs, teaches, reminds and empowers. John was reminded about the prophecies about the Messiah and how Jesus was fulfilling them. Paul was shown unfathomable things and given solid direction. Elijah was given rest, food and a fresh assignment and informed that he was not alone.
So, Jesus has been teaching me and reminding me through unexpected words from others, circumstances, articles, and a witness to my own heart by His Spirit. He will for you too. So don’t be discouraged or down when you question. Just make sure to stop, listen, eat, sleep, and allow the Holy Spirit do His work in taking you out of the pit and putting your feet on a solid rock. His name is Jesus (Psalm 40:1-5).