Perfection
by Danielle King / Web Administrator
I am
a recovering perfectionist, paired with a lifelong struggle of laziness. So,
we’ll call it… undisciplined perfectionism. Basically, it means that if I am
going to do something, I want to do it extremely well or not at all. And the
fear of not having a perfect result has often held me back from even taking the
first step. But things like fear, laziness and even perfection are not supposed
to be part of the abundant life God has for me.
Thus,
the ‘recovering.’ Although this has been an ongoing process for years since I
chose to follow Christ, ridding my heart of this desire for perfection has been
in high gear lately. Last year I recognized that I was spreading myself too
thin. In other words, we had two babies, I was pregnant with a third, and I was
still trying to keep up with life as it was before any kids. When I mixed my
perfectionist attitude with my slipping ability to juggle all my
responsibilities well (throw in an unhealthy dash of comparison to people who
looked like they were handling life way better than me), I had a big batch of
failure and disappointment. Even worse, I was projecting my perfectionist
standards onto the people around me too, and although I rarely confronted
anyone about it, I let their shortcomings silently add to the weight on my
shoulders.
Since
then I made some tangible changes to my schedule and responsibilities. More
importantly though, I began asking God to help make some changes in my heart. To
make room for spontaneity and detours. To take a breath instead of stress when
my plans melt into a pile of toddler tears (or worse). To love myself and
accept His love just as I am, even with my mistakes and shortcomings.
It
has never been about how much I can or can’t get done. It’s about embracing the
grace and mercy that God offers me daily instead of arrogantly scolding myself
for never reaching an impossible goal. I still want to do things with
excellence and I haven’t given up applying myself to a task. Christ is forming
me into someone who can humbly admit a mistake, forgive a mistake, and bravely
try new things He calls me to even if it’s hard or messy or I don’t get it
right the very first time. Ironically, being honest about all the ways I’m not
perfect has made me feel better about who I am, not worse.
“And
He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected
in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9