Forgiving Mom
Bobby Krahling / Spiritual Formation and IGNITE Intern
I think the biggest stumbling block God has revealed to me is the resentment and bitterness that I’ve held on to in regard to unforgiveness toward my biological mother. What brought this to light in our recovery ministry called “Regen”, which is led by Corey Nieman, my wife and me, is the "twelve steps" in their biblical form. Step eight is forgiveness. We forgive those who have harmed us and become willing to make amends to those we have harmed.
Now my mother has been dead for 18 years, so she has been gone the same amount of years that I had her in my life. I feel like I don’t even know who she was, but what God has shown me is that I have held onto the bitterness that grief can sometimes cause. More importantly, I chose to be angry for her dying and never truly grieved the loss of my mom. In the amends process I recently wrote a letter to my mom and I poured my heart out in it. My mentor had me realize that I had never properly grieved the loss of her life nor did I ever accept it! I know that none of us ever have to like a situation in order to have acceptance. I asked for forgiveness in this letter and confessed all of the wrongs that I had made against her, but ultimately I brought every harm to God because Jesus is the only one that can forgive sin!
So many people in secular recovery and secular therapy have said, “You really need to forgive yourself” but that is totally bypassing Christ. I cannot forgive myself for my sin, only Christ can do that! The last part of that process was actually reading that letter to a few people that I trust in my life, and honestly when I read it to my wife the first time I cried long and hard and I now know that I truly have forgiven my mom, that God has forgiven me and most importantly I finally grieved the loss of her life! None of us had it perfect growing up but I no longer hold my mom accountable for everything that happened. I hope this can help someone else that has struggled with grief and loss. To God be all of the glory and may He be lifted up and magnified!
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| Photo by Chandler Cruttenden on Unsplash |
Now my mother has been dead for 18 years, so she has been gone the same amount of years that I had her in my life. I feel like I don’t even know who she was, but what God has shown me is that I have held onto the bitterness that grief can sometimes cause. More importantly, I chose to be angry for her dying and never truly grieved the loss of my mom. In the amends process I recently wrote a letter to my mom and I poured my heart out in it. My mentor had me realize that I had never properly grieved the loss of her life nor did I ever accept it! I know that none of us ever have to like a situation in order to have acceptance. I asked for forgiveness in this letter and confessed all of the wrongs that I had made against her, but ultimately I brought every harm to God because Jesus is the only one that can forgive sin!
So many people in secular recovery and secular therapy have said, “You really need to forgive yourself” but that is totally bypassing Christ. I cannot forgive myself for my sin, only Christ can do that! The last part of that process was actually reading that letter to a few people that I trust in my life, and honestly when I read it to my wife the first time I cried long and hard and I now know that I truly have forgiven my mom, that God has forgiven me and most importantly I finally grieved the loss of her life! None of us had it perfect growing up but I no longer hold my mom accountable for everything that happened. I hope this can help someone else that has struggled with grief and loss. To God be all of the glory and may He be lifted up and magnified!