Danielle King / Web Administrator/Next Gen Admin Ass't
God recently blessed me with a new, fresh perspective on life. After the birth of our second child this past March, I was really struggling with … everything! I had no control over how each day went in those first, crazy, sleep-deprived weeks. Like a lot of new moms, and new-again moms, I was searching for purpose and coming up short. No matter how many ‘mommy blogs’ I read about feeling this way I still felt frustrated and lost. I read and heard that my main purpose now was to be a mom and raise my kids to love God. Let me tell you, that was the hardest thing to hear because that ‘lack of control’ issue of mine made me feel like I was completely failing at my one big new purpose!
Talking to other, real Buffalo moms helped some. Going back to work actually helped some (hooray for getting tangible tasks accomplished!). But I always had to come back to my home with my family and my feelings of failure. I prayed for God to “fix” me, to “fix” my kids, to give me grace and patience, to not let me mess them up … lots of desperate cries went out in those weeks.
He answered me with small moments of encouragement, unexpected moments of rest, and sweet moments of love from my babies. Like when my son started smiling at me. Or when my daughter asked me to read her a new book she found about how God specially chose me to be her mom. And when they each just needed snuggles to make them content.
There was no sudden moment of change. It was so many small moments, gifts from God, which led to a moment of reflection in the shower when I was completely overwhelmed with joy at being a mom! I suddenly knew that my heart had changed somehow, so slowly that I didn’t notice as it was happening.
I have since heard a Mother’s Day sermon by Holly Furtick that really put into words some of what I was (and still am here and there) dealing with. She said, “If you see an interruption, you will feel frustration. If you see an invitation, you will feel anticipation.” She felt that God had interrupted her idea of motherhood with the reality of her children. Oh, could I relate to that! (Why isn’t he napping? Why is she afraid of the baby? Why won’t he eat right now? Why isn’t she listening?) But then she talked about Mary and how God ‘interrupted’ her plans of marriage and motherhood. Mary didn’t see an interruption though, she saw an invitation. That invitation gave her anticipation, rather than frustration.
That didn’t make the task at hand easy or simple, but that new perspective revealed the excitement and potential hidden within it.
Yes, I’ve been getting a little more sleep. Yes, my daughter is increasingly less threatened by her new sibling. Yes, my son’s reflux is getting better with treatment. But my confidence, love and strength as a mom (and wife!) can’t be based on how good or bad a day is going. God is gracefully, patiently and lovingly teaching me that the way I view each day – as an invitation from Him or as an interruption to my own plans – is the first step to inviting Him to be a part of it. He is unchanging and faithful, a solid rock to build my day, my family, and my life upon!