Thoughts from a Dying Atheist

Joe Principato / Video/Lighting Technician

So, heading up to this Christmas I think back on my time here at Eastern Hills. It will be one year since I started working here, and a year and half since I started interning here. Along with that, I think how it’s been five years since I committed my life to Christ. The walk has not been an easy one however. After committing my life to Jesus, I imagine Him being up in heaven cracking His knuckles and saying “okay, lots of work to do, let’s get started.”

When I was young, I resorted to being an atheist because I felt that God simply “wasn’t there or didn’t care.” Even after coming to Christ, things didn’t automatically change. I still sinned, I still had my flawed principles, I still had my anger. Even after two years of being a Christian, I wasn’t actually following Christ. I did church, I got baptized, but I wasn’t following Him. I ignored the parts of Christianity that I didn’t agree with. I sought comforts; I had relations; I used people. Worse still, I had no accountability against these things.

After interning, attending, and now working here at Eastern Hills, those things stopped. The difference was that people who genuinely cared for me decided to call me out on my garbage. And because God knew I was in a safe place, with people to hold me up, He allowed me to feel the full weight of my transgressions for the first time. It hurt. A LOT. I was crushed. Beaten. Broken...

But God!!! With help, I decided that whatever the cost to my personal values, wealth, friendships, whatever … I. Will. Follow. Him. I had to learn that trusting in Him comes first, then the healing. I cleaned up my act, even if I didn’t agree with or understand why. I obeyed Him.

This last year and a half has taught me so many things about God and Jesus, but what's even more is what I learned about myself. There is still so much I have yet to learn, so much I disagree with, and still much more that I don’t understand. But God. God is my Rock, my Shepherd, my Firm Foundation. All of these “churchy” sayings we have in this culture. What they mean is that in spite of all I’ve done, all I do not understand, and all that I disagree with, I hold on to the simple Truth that Jesus loves me. Better than that He died for me. Better still, He rose for me.

What’s best is that He crucified this atheist who hated Him and rose up a son who loves His Father more than anyone could possibly imagine.